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I’m one of the lucky few people who was raised in a family of hardcore Bidet Believers. My family is from the Philippines, where you typically wash up after yourself with a mini-bucket with a handle called a “tabo.” So naturally, we were bewildered that toilet paper was the norm when we came to The States. How could you possibly feel clean after that?
Bidets are little toilet attachments that gently spray water at your butthole, saving you the inconvenience of wiping your bum with toilet paper. Those of you in the Skid Marks Club know that toilet paper doesn’t always get all the nooks and crannies — but a gentle yet thorough blast of water to the area can easily wash that sh*t away. Bonus points: you use significantly less toilet paper. Good for your booty and the planet.
Even though I know what magic bidets can bring, I never liked getting up close and personal with my toilet. A lightweight germaphobe, I hated the idea of installing my own bidet. After a few bidet-free years, I’d find myself sitting on the toilet cackling at the booty jokes that TUSHY creates on its Instagram feed.
I’ve seen TUSHY’s bidet attachment all over the internet, mostly with rave reviews that a bidet had changed their life. They promised an 8.5-minute assembly from start to finish, and I realized that 8.5 minutes is a very reasonable investment for years of comfortable after-poops, not to mention major savings in toilet paper.
I ordered a TUSHY Classic 3.0 with the Bamboo Handle. When it arrived at my doorstep, I was impressed with the brand’s commitment to sustainability. Lately, I’ve been feeling jaded because some brands use the word “sustainability” like a cheap marketing ploy. When I actually get the products, they’re packed with unnecessary plastic, paper or styrofoam covering, which drives me nuts. Unlike those brands, TUSHY stays true to its word with everything covered in minimal paper packaging that can go straight in the recycling bin.
20 Minutes Face-to-Face With Your Toilet Is Totally Worth It
Okay, I 100% believe that I could have done this in 8.5 minutes if I hadn’t been taking breaks to amp myself up for toilet work every five minutes. I don’t know about you, but I live with dudes who can’t aim, so cleanup became a big part of this process for me. Other than that, installation was really easy and required one tool: a flathead screwdriver, though TUSHY also suggests using a pair of pliers if some bolts needed to be tightened.
The instruction manual, aptly titled “How To Put This Sh*t Together,” was really simple and provided accurate drawings that I could follow. Broad strokes of assembly: You need to turn off the water valve, empty the toilet tank by flushing it, then unscrew the flexible water hose attached to the side of your toilet. TUSHY sends you the attachment you need to accommodate two hoses — the existing hose that connects your toilet to the main water supply, and the hose that TUSHY provides to connect the bidet to the water supply as well. Once both hoses are in place, you’ll need to take off your toilet seat, place the bidet in that same spot, then use your toilet seat and existing hardware to snap the bidet in place.
The worst part of the whole process was probably unscrewing the toilet seat because some gross gunk builds up on those screws over time. But other than the germaphobe factor, everything else went really smoothly.
Your Ass Deserves Better
After a relatively painless installation, the first thing I did was take a hot shower. I felt gross! But I also strangely looked forward to pooping later in the day. I don’t want to be crude, but aside from getting your booty clean, bidets also provide… a little action. A little anal stimulation never hurt anybody.
The first time I used TUSHY, it certainly did its job of keeping me clean down there. It’s such a cleaner feeling than simply wiping with toilet paper. Anyone who struggles with skid marks could use the TUSHY Classic 3.0. I now look forward to taking bathroom breaks to break up the barrage of deadlines and deliverables at my desk.
The TUSHY Classic 3.0 also allows you to adjust the angle of the nozzle to hit you in just the right spot, plus it offers pressure control with the bamboo knob.
As a germaphobe, here’s my favorite part: The Smart Spray nozzle that sprays water at your butthole is self-cleaning! Just the thought of sticking my hand in the toilet makes me want to gag, so thank you, TUSHY, for answering my prayers. It also has a patented Schmutz Shield, two silicone circles with a slit in the middle in the place where you’d attach the TUSHY underneath your toilet seat. The Schmutz Shield is a godsend because it prevents grime and nasty buildup from collecting in impossible-to-reach crevices.
Did I save toilet paper in this process? Honestly, I still use the same amount because it can be pretty uncomfortable to just walk around with wet underwear all day. But for those who are seriously trying to cut down on their environmental waste, TUSHY sells Bamboo Bum Towels to dry your butt. Bamboo is naturally antibacterial, plus it’s super soft.
No Need To Be Anal About Every Little Thing
The quality of the TUSHY Classic 3.0 is incredible, especially for the unbeatable price of $129 (though as of the time of this writing, it’s on sale for $99). It’s a solid investment, and a great way to treat yourself to a little TLC after pooping — an everyday activity that we really don’t show enough gratitude for.
Overall, the number one gift that TUSHY brought into my life is that I smile and laugh, thinking about all the great booty-related humor that the TUSHY team has built into the brand, every single time I use this bidet. That’s everyday! Every single day, my poops have gotten much happier. And I wouldn’t trade that little bit of joy for anything else in the world.
5 More Reasons To Love TUSHY:
- The 60-day guarantee. If you change your mind within the first 60 days, you’ll get your money back — no questions asked.
- The variety of colors to match your bathroom interiors. On its their website, TUSHY offers five classic knob colors, including Platinum, Gunmetal, Bronze and Gold to match any bathroom decor. TUSHY They also offers three limited edition colors (Blue, Pink and Black) for the bidet itself to add a little pop of color, or match with an existing toilet of those three colors.
- The ass-kissing you deserve. A little anal stimulation never hurt anybody, and the water pressure feels really good. The TUSHY Spa 3.0 even has a temperature control option that lets you choose whether to spray your booty with cold or hot water.
- The commitment to sustainability. TUSHY also sells Bamboo Toilet Paper on a one-time or subscription basis. Bamboo is one of the core materials used in TUSHY’s product line because it takes less natural resources to grow and it’s really durable yet soft.
- Their sense of humor. Again, their social media content and product descriptions do not disappoint. I thought about all the clever butt and poop jokes all the time while I was on the toilet, in turn resulting in a better overall mood.
